'Scraped over too much Bread...'

"I feel...thin. Sort of stretched, like...butter scraped over too much bread."

...said Bilbo Baggins the day of his 111st birthday. In the JRR Tolkien's classic, he's sitting with Gandalf, the wise old wizard, in his cozy hobbit hole the morning of his birthday. Just outside his door, people are preparing a big event for the hobbit... but Bilbo feels empty. He has everything he could ever want - just a few years prior he went on a grand adventure and claimed an enormous amount of gold from an evil dragon. His home was filled to the rim of gold, jewels, and treasure. But here he is, sitting here pouring Gandalf a cup of tea as the sun comes shining in on an otherwise perfect day.

I feel like Bilbo these days.

I am extremely blessed to have all I have. I am serving in a fantastic church that 'gets it.' I am doing what I love with video in many different places, including that very same church. I have committed to writing and recording a Christian podcast that can, no doubt, change many perspectives or lives. I am chasing my dreams, I have all I need, and I'm surrounded by awesome people. But still - this emptiness. I am Bilbo Baggins.

Inside Bag End, Bilbo and Gandalf were sitting at the open window of a small room looking out west on to the garden. The late afternoon was bright and peaceful. The flowers glowed red and golden; snap-dragons and sunflowers. "How bright your garden looks!" said Gandalf. "Yes," said Bilbo, "I am very fond indeed of it, and of all the dear old Shire; but I think I need a holiday." -The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, JRR TOLKEIN

Here Bilbo sits with every beautiful thing in the world he could want or imagine. Awesome and beautiful things right outside his window. He's surrounded by things that, by normal account, would make him happy. Yet, he still is unhappy. I am Bilbo Baggins.

"I'm old, Gandalf," Bilbo says to Gandalf after confessing his uneasiness. "I know I don't lookit, but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart." He sits down, trying to find comfort. He then says, "I feel thin... like butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday." I am Bilbo Baggins.

What is bringing about this discontent in my heart? Am I growing weary of the good things I'm surrounded by? I don't believe so. If that were the case for our dear hobbit Bilbo, he would have just given his possessions to his relatives, and see if that would have helped. What is it then?

We find a clue in what Bilbo says to Gandalf during their tea conversation.

"I want to see mountains again - MOUNTAINS, Gandalf!" Mountains. The world. Adventure. The wilderness. Not the safety of Eden, but the danger and wild of the untrodden world beyond.

"I am not alive in an office. I am not alive in a taxi cab. I am not alive on a sidewalk." -Wild at Heart, JOHN ELDREDGE

I need adventure. Maybe not a backpacking adventure, or a canoeing expedition, but a spiritual adventure. One where there's a mountain to climb, and one where I figure out what God is trying to tell me. I am positive he is trying to communicate something to me. What, though? How am I supposed to figure it out with everything pressing me from all sides? When will I get a chance?

"We often suffer, but we are never crushed. Even when we don't know what to do, we never give up. In times of trouble, God is with us, and when we are knocked down, we get up again. So we're not giving up. How could we!? Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace." -2 Corinthians 4:8-9 CEV, 4:16 'The Message.'

God is always with me - with us - even when we are stressed out, even when we suffer, and even when we feel like poor Bilbo did - old. Weak. Stretched. Weary. Worn. Broken. He's there, and he never lets go. Does it end by itself, though? Hardly ever. I believe God is constantly calling us to climb higher up the mountain. Sometimes, though, he leads us to comfortable resting places that we like to hang out at for a while. He's waiting on the path waving his arms saying 'Follow me! We've still got this mountain to climb - this adventure to continue - but I feel like I'm saying 'I'm fine right here.'

But I obviously am not 'fine right here.' My prayer to God tonight is the same as Bilbo's plea to Gandalf was. "I want to see mountains again, MOUNTAINS, Jesus!' I want to continue this adventure, but I've become so content here. How do I move along?

By taking his hand. Embracing him. Following him, and letting him lead.

"Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you." -Psalm 25:4-5, NLT

I'm ready. Are you?
Thanks for reading.

-Matt

"I thought up an ending for my book. 'And he lived happily ever after. Even to the end of his days."

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say.