Talking to God

It seems to me, the more I grow as a Christian, as a man, as a friend, as just a person in general, the answers we struggle the hardest to get and the solutions we fight for most are the most obvious. When we get them, we suffer a moment of 'Naw-duh, Sherlock,' and that can make us/me feel stupid and embarrassed, but I think it's something we all have in common.

This blog post has the potential to get very personal with a lot of people, but for the sake of anonymity, I suppose it would be polite for me to be as vague as possible while still having some sort of meaning without sounding like I'm a whiny teenager. Ooh, boy. Specifics aren't important anyway, hah.

I'll begin with a question: Have you ever been in a situation where you had no where to turn to for help? I know what you're thinking. 'I ALWAYS HAVE JESUS, HALLELUJAH - AMEN!'

While that's true, be honest - how often do you turn to God for help? That's what I thought. An embarrassingly small amount of the time, isn't it? I can say the same. Whenever something's got me down, or worse... I can honestly say that sometimes God is the last place I will turn for help.

It seems odd to say that, though. Usually, outside of Christianity, we see people only going to God when we need help, but I bet for a lot of us, as Christians, it's easy to maintain a regular prayer life filled with ins-and-outs, daily 'quiet-times' (sweet child of mine, I hate that term), and what have you, but I find myself never really going to God with my problems or... I guess my heart.

I wrote a little bit about this a few weeks back - about opening up to God. I think that is a major part of it. I haven't been nor have I really ever opened up to God, and I find that when I do, He is able to show me things I'd never expected or things I'd never thought of otherwise.

In the past few months, I've been struggling pretty badly with... life, hah. Things got pretty low at one point - they still continue to drop down there now and again. It got to the point where I was physically hurting myself because, you know, apparently that's supposed to help. It didn't. My doctor put my on antidepressants which have helped a tremendous amount, but still... it doesn't fix anything.

So, I figure I could turn to people. My pastors. My family. My closest friends. I've opened up very little to anyone, and when I do, I find myself stuttering, censoring myself, and never really even releasing a coherent thought. Even talking to the people I love most (they can tell you this and are probably reading this now, hah), I'm very secretive, cryptic, and quiet about what goes on in my own heart.

And pretty soon, I found myself in a situation where there was nobody I could talk to. At all. Don't get me wrong - without a doubt in my mind, God places people in our lives to hold us up, pray for us, talk to us, and help us... but what about when we find ourselves going there first? Instead of having people there as pillars of support, I found myself treating them as a foundation of it.

So, in this situation, I found myself getting deeper and deeper into confusion, pain, sadness, and numbness. What was I supposed to do? Recently, it got to the point where I was, literally, angry at God. You know, like the cheesy Christian movies where the protagonist is like 'God, why did you allow this to happen! It's your fault! BLAH!' But I was basically like that.

'God... why are you even allowing this to happen to me? Why... in all of your ability as God and Ruler of the freakin' Universe, would you allow these little things to line up so perfectly that not only are my feelings hurt and my heart in shambles, but I have no one to talk to about it? Why on earth would you allow me to be so alone here?''

That's when I had my 'Naw-duh' moment.

And it's pretty much a recurring theme in the Bible, especially the Psalms.

"Seek the Lord and His strength; seek his face continuously." (Psalm 105:4)

"Those who know your name trust in You; for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." (Psalm 9:10)

"Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." (Psalm 55:22)

"In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles" (Psalm 34:6)

I think that's what He was trying to tell me. I think God allowed me to fall so deep into this literal depression so that I could see, sooner or later, that the only - the only - way out would be to rely on Him.

The Enemy, of course, was hell-bent (pun intended) on making sure that I felt everything that ever happened to me was the result of my surroundings and not the way I was choosing to deal with them. Think about it - if I break my arm accidentally doing something, who do I go to for help? The people I love? They can comfort me and give me advice, sure, but does that heal me? Do I just go through it alone? No, because my arm would remain broken, wouldn't it? I need the doctor, don't I?

It's a simple, Elementary school analogy, yeah, but it's what I've been doing. Does going to God first with my heart, my troubles, my concerns, my everything fix the situations I'm in? No, not necessarily. There's still going to be pain because the attacks of our most relentless Enemy do not stop because we notice him performing them.

I think the most important thing for us... and me, really... to remember is that God is Father, and I am his son. He wants me to come to Him, because he loves me, and is willing to help me. He's willing to just listen if that's all I need. How many times has that happened to you - you're talking something out to someone, and they say nothing at all but continue to let you talk because they know you'll eventually come to the conclusion yourself? I think God does that a lot with us.

The bottom line I want to say is the God listens, and God helps. Sometimes, He allows absolute crap to pour into our lives from every direction so we see that there is no one else that can really help us but Him.

Questions for you now: How much do you trust God? I mean 'trust' in the sense can you really tell him everything, like a best friend... like a Father the Bible says He is? Can you be open to God? He did everything in His Power (and the God of Eternity has a lot of power) to be with you; can't you spare more than a campy ritualistic 'quiet time' with Him? It's something to think about.

As I pray today, I ask that you join me in really just going to God and opening your heart. Forget 'praying,' sit down and talk with God like you have a relationship with Him. That's what Christianity is, and we often tell people that, but act like we don't believe it. 'It's not a religion; it's a relationship!' we'll glibly spew along with every other Christian cliche, but we still pray like God is a stained-glass window image in the cathedral of our mind. I think he deserves and wants more than that. I think I want more that that.

So, try it today. Talk to God. Tell Him about your day. About what makes you happy. About what makes you sad. About how much you love your friends. About how much you liked that movie you saw. About that nasty food you ate at the mall the other day. Be reverent, but fod God's sake, be personal. God is a person. A person who loves you.

Pray for me, too, reader, as I learn this with you.

-Matt

I am an After-Thought

Let me begin with this question.

Have you ever felt like an after-thought?

Jason finds out there's an outing planned by his closest friends and they invite him at the last minute... or not at all. Laura feels left out when her parents are discussing the success of her older brother. David wonders if his friends talk to him out of anything other than pity. 'If I just didn't show up one day, would anyone miss me?' he thinks. Megan's closest friends often will leave her behind or not even say hello when they see her.

Have you ever felt like that? Sure you have. Everyone has. I have. Plenty of times.

I have a philosophy. If the Enemy is not attacking a Christian, he has no reason to. If Luke Skywalker and the rebels didn't fight to destroy the Death Star, do you think that Darth Vader would have flown his own personal TIE fighter out into battle? If Sauron didn't believe Frodo had any chance at making it up to Mt. Doom, would he have sent hoards of orcs after them? If Lord Voldemort didn't think Harry Potter, the Boy who Lived, was any threat to him, would he have devoted his strength and ability to killing a mere teenager?

As a Christian, we have an Enemy, too, don't we? The bible calls him a 'deceiver.' In fact, his first assault on attempting to rip humanity from the arms of God was to get them... us, essentially... to believe his lie.

What lie is he trying to feed you? I think I've figured out mine.

'You are an after-thought.'

I think the one thing that can destroy my confidence... that can isolate me from the people I love... that can singe my heart to ash is thinking and feeling 'I am an after-thought.' And I feel that quite often, coming from the people I love the most, no less.

It's a very lonely thing - the feeling that you're not important enough to matter, or that your closest friends or your own family acknowledge you only out of pity or so they don't look completely rude. It's led to many tears, many days where I just don't want to get out of bed... it's even led to me going to the doctor and having him put me on antidepressant medication... but they haven't helped at all. What is wrong with me?

Am I really so unlikable that even the people I thought I was closest to or the people I love the most scoff in disgust at the thought of me? That they hear me speak and look away? They run off and leave me behind, they plan family dinners without me, or they just plain act like they don't care at all? What have I done to offend them - Am I really so wretched?

This is an attack on my own heart if I've ever seen one... and I've seen plenty.

The thought of being an after-thought was plaguing my mind the other night and, I don't know how, but I began a text message conversation with someone I've probably only shook hands with once, but have Facebooked and had phone conversations with for a while now. He's a new friend that came about from both of us having a mutual friend - anyway, we were texting, and he ended up being a major encouragement to me.

I forgot how it came up, but I think I asked him just what I'm writing about right now. 'Have you ever felt like an after-thought? Like, even to the people you love the most?' His answer was absolutely a God-send; just what I needed to hear, even if it was something I already knew (which these things often are).

"...If we can wrap our minds around this, we'll never be the same. To your Savior, you are never an after-thought. You are His only thought!" (Zach R.)

Wow, huh? It's true, though. Even though I knew this already, it feels very important to have someone tell you this, personally. The very idea that there is actually someone - the God of the universe - doesn't even look at me as just a part of the human race, but as an individual; as someone who He has plans for, as someone He's proud of... someone He died for JUST so that He could be with... me? That is an incredible truth.

That's not just feel-good Christian talk, either. We find it all throughout the Bible, but I think it's summed up best in the most popular Bible verse of all. John 3:16.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." (John 3:16)

A more heart-felt translation might put it this way.

"God loved you, as an individual, so much, He stepped down out of His own Kingdom to die for you - to pay your debt - because he loved you so much. Because He has done so, He's given you the opportunity to live forever, and perish not."

John Eldredge says this in his breath-taking book, 'Waking the Dead.'

"We rebelled, and the penalty for our rebellion was death. To lose [you] was too great a pain for God to bear, and so he took it upon himself to rescue [you]." -John Eldredge

I think when we think of Jesus coming to save the world, we think about Jesus coming to save everyone rather than Jesus coming to save EVERY ONE. Notice the space. Every individual, not just humanity as a collective. He came to ransom and rescue you, dear reader. He came to rescue you, specifically. Think about that for a moment. He came to rescue you, as an individual.

Which reminds me that... He came to rescue me. He came to rescue Matt Walker.

I am no after-thought to the person who matters most. I am adored by Jesus Christ. So much so, that being nailed to a beam of wood, hanging for hours with broken bones as a crown of thorns lodged into his skull causes him to die a slow and painful death... was less painful than the very thought of being apart... from me. Matt Walker. For God so loved Matt Walker...

Even though I know my friends love me, even though I know my family loves me, even if they didn't... the fact of the matter is that nothing I could ever do can separate me from God's love. The remarkable thing about that love - the thing that proves I am no after-thought - is that God chose me, like he chose you. It wasn't a collective salvation effort. He looked at me, he looked at you, and there was not a doubt in His mind: '[Insert Name Here] is worth it, to me.' That is an incredibly encouraging thought.

Next time you struggle with the idea of being an after-thought, or even less than that... remember that, quite simply, you are not. You're more than just a sinner saved by grace. You're more than a Christian, and you're more than a number on some divine Christian tally list. You are an heir to a Kingdom because the almighty Creator and Ruler of existence said 'You know, I love that guy/girl so much, that I'm going to have them do big things.' You are loved.

I am loved.

Thanks for reading.

Story Teller, Part Two: 'Character Development'

"He's a real Nowhere Man, sitting is his Nowhere Land, making all his Nowhere Plans for Nobody..."

Peter Parker is the nerdy High School kid that just wants to 'get the girl.' Frodo Baggins is a Hobbit from the Shire where 'nobody ever had adventures or did anything unexpected.' Luke Skywalker is the lonely farm boy on the desert planet of Tatooine where he feels he's 'never gonna get out of [there...].' Harry Potter is a miserable orphan living with his awful Aunt and Uncle who 'were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.' Sora is a teenage boy from a small island in the middle of nowhere. Link is a Kokiri child living in a tree house. Abraham Lincoln is born, poor, in a log cabin, and homeschools himself by candlelight for years. Jesus of Nazareth is born the son of a common carpenter in a barn.

All these stories, whether they're fictional or not, all start similarly, do they not? You have your main character living a pretty... boring life. Sometimes, it's a hard one, at that. King David is a scrawny shepherd. Aragorn is basically Middle Earth's equivalent of a hobo. Jack Shepherd is a normal doctor with daddy issues. The list goes on, and on, and I think, a lot of times, we can relate. I know I can.

Some one asked me not too long ago to 'tell them the Matt Walker story.'
"I'm afraid it's pretty unexciting and uneventful up to this point," I replied.
"Well, it's not finished yet," he said.

In part one, I talked about my drive to be a story teller. About how, since birth basically, I've been creating stories and tales and worlds and characters because... it just felt right. Whether I express that through my writing, or filmmaking, or even just imagining and dreaming - I feel, at my core, I was born - I was created - to be a story teller. But, at the end of the last post, I expressed how things have slowed down considerably in recent days.

Which makes me think about where I could possibly be in my timeline right now. Sometimes... actually, a lot of the time, lately... I feel like Bilbo having morning tea with Gandalf. Glancing out the window on the lovely home he's blessed with, but feeling... discontented. 'Like... butter scraped over too much bread,' he says. Sometimes, I feel like Peter Parker, dreaming of the day he can get the girl, move past his years as a teenager, and get on to what he was meant to do. Sometimes, I feel like Luke Skywalker or Sora from 'Kingdom Hearts' and I just want to... go.

Go away, physically? Not really. More like... hurry up. Go ahead. Get to Act II. Press the 'Next' button on the remote; skip to the next chapter; cut to the chase. You get my drift.

I know this is foolish, I know it is. I know I'm supposed to 'Wait for the lord, be strong and take heart,' (Psalm 27:14) and I know that 'God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them,' (Romans 8:28) but when? When does Obi-Wan give me my lightsaber? When does Gandalf tell me I need to leave for Rivendell? When does the radioactive spider bite me, or when does Hagrid knock down my door one day and say 'Guess what, Matt? You're not only capable, but were born with the natural ability, to do extraordinary, supernatural, unexplainable things?'

It feels like it's taking forever.

Worse than that, I feel like I'm going the wrong direction. Even though I know it takes time and patience to get there - it's a long path, indeed - I feel like I'm going down the wrong path altogether. Like in 'The Fellowship of the Ring' when the Company is nearly brought down by the mighty blizzard on top of Mt. Caradhras, as they're going the wrong way in the first place. I'm not acting like Jonah, though, where God told him to go one way, and he's going in the other - no, not at all. I feel like I'm out at sea without a map. Lost in the forest without a guide. Wandering a mountain range without so much as a path.

But (and here comes the kicker)... is that such a bad thing?

Think about a story that begins with the hero in Nowheresville, doing nothing, with no adventure, no lover, no nothing. Where do we learn the most of that person? Where do authors and filmmakers take the time to develop their characters? In the first scenes and in the first chapters. Where do television producers take time to tell back stories, to develop personalities, to make you care about the people they've created? In the first season. In the first Act.

So what is the Author of eternity doing and planning during my first chapter, or rather, my first book?

A lot of the time, our favorite characters are thrust into circumstance that later lead to the rest of their story. Luke's home is attacked, the storm visits the Destiny Islands, word of Voldemort rising again startles the Wizarding World, etc. But they all start from somewhere, do they not? 'From humble beginnings...' we hear often.

My prayer these days is that God is developing me like a hero in an epic story. That He is using this time of seemingly inactivity to shape me into the person - the man - I was created to be, prepared to do the things He has prepared me to do, and the stories He has inspired me to tell. My prayer is that when the day does come that the Ring falls into my hands, that I know what to do with it. When I take off with Han Solo and Obi-Wan Kenobi, that I understand the ways of the Force. That when I stumble through the wardrobe in to Narnia, I'm wearing a coat to keep me warm and safe. That when the time comes, I'm ready to take up my cross and follow Him.

That is my prayer. It's exciting to think about the future, and the good things God has planned for us. Let us not, however, forget the crucial step of character development. Without character development... well, we're just in a crappy movie like 'Avatar,' aren't we?

So it is, eventually, that Peter Parker becomes Spider-man, and saves the city and wins the heart of Mary Jane. Frodo Baggins saves Middle Earth. Luke Skywalker redeems his own father, and puts an end to tyranny in the Galaxy. Harry Potter defeats the Dark Lord. Sora understands the light that exists in the human heart. Link defeats Gannondorf, Abraham Lincoln becomes the President that sets the slaves free, and Jesus Christ raises from the dead, and ascends into Heaven.

I wonder what Matt Walker will do?

New Jars of Clay Album - 'The Shelter' - Review

"Ar Scáth a Chéile a Mhaireas na Daoine."
"In the shelter of each other, the people live."

Jars of Clay is one of the older Christian rock/pop bands, and are extremely gifted songwriters and performers, loving and active humanitarians, and humble, talented Christians who have been entertaining, moving, and loving on people for over a decade. Yesterday, they released their eleventh studio album, called 'The Shelter.'

After pre-ordering the album, I got it in the mail today, and I was absolutely blown away by this album that I had ridiculously high expectations for. The pure artistry and work that went into this album must be beyond measure.

"'The Shelter,' Dan Haseltine of the band explains, "is a record about community, and how we get to be Jesus for each other. A shelter is refuge from a storm. It is peace in the midst of chaos. Something that cools our fear when we are afraid. I think what I like about the image of a shelter is that it is not something that is apart from the storm, but is something that is placed IN the storm, and yet it is something that keeps us from harm's way, but it's not so far away that we lose sight of it."

The theme of 'The Shelter' is, without a doubt, community. Friendship. Fellowship. Christians coming together, loving one another, and being/living like Jesus for one another and the entire world. This album came at an extremely important time in my life where I've got that very theme on my heart constantly. About isolating myself. About not feeling loved. About giving up. About not having a group friends, a family, or a community I feel I can belong to. All of this is completely ridiculous, though. I know, in my heart, I have all those things, but we have an Enemy that has made it his job to destroy every relationship we, as Christians, have. 'The Shelter' is a battlecry against that. A hymn against isolation. Sadness. Lonliness. A message of hope, love, friendship, and God's grace played out through 11 expertly crafted tracks.

Jars of Clay is not alone on this album, either. To go with the theme of community, Several artists have added their song-writing and musical abilities to the band's own this time. What had the potential to be a cheesy collab of standard Christian fare is everything but that. With Jars of Clay, you have Brandon Heath, Thad Cockrell, Audrey Assad, Gungor, Mac Powell from Third Day, Derek Webb from Caedmon's Call, Burlap to Cahmere, Sixpence None the Richer, TobyMac, Mike Donehey from Tenth Avenue North, David Crowder, Amy Grant, and more that I can't even remember. Wow. That's a lot of folks. Still, this is Jars of Clay's album, and these artists just add to that instead of making it a mishmash of songs and styles.

The album begins with the extremely poignant track 'Small Rebellions.' The opening lyrics set up the entire album beautifully. "God of the break and shattered... hearts, in every form still matter. In our weakness, let us see, that alone we'll never be lifting any burdens off our shoulders...." It sets up the whole idea of a community, and that it's not going to come easy. The chorus makes that clear with it's words. "If our days could be filled with small rebellions... senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all... If we stand between the fear and firm foundation... push against the current and the fall... We will never walk alone again..."

The next track picks up with 'Call My Name.' It's all about one of the simplest Christian principals, in yet, it's the one all of us struggle with on a daily basis. Being called by God to do something extraordinary. Have purpose in our lives. Jars of Clay has already hit two very important topics in Christianity, and we're only two songs in.

'We Will Follow,' track #3, is like a direct response to track #2. If 'Call My Name' says 'God has a plan for you,' 'We Will Follow' says '...and we're going to follow it!" It's an incredibly happy and hopeful song that has a very simple chorus, but I've already found myself singing it over and over again. "Where you lead us, we will follow..." A little bit of their Nashville roots come out with some epic violin, too.

The next track, 'Eyes Wide Open,' features the voice of Dan Haseltine, but then the instantly recognizable voice of Mac Powell from Third Day. It's a song simply out asking God to keep our eyes open to where he's working. Keep our eyes open to where we can show love. Keep our eyes open to how He can shine his light through us, which should be our prayers daily.

I'm going to skip the title track for now.

'Out of My Hands' is a song about surrendering to God, first, foremost, and obviously. This is a topic Jars of Clay has touched on several times in past albums, but this song perhaps personifies it the best. It speaks of all God has done for us, which is more than we can imagine.

'No Greater Love' is a song about the power of sacrifice. It has, perhaps, a double-meaning. Like John 15:13 says, "There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." There is no greater love than bearing a burden, taking some of the pain, sacrificing for a friend. The other meaning being the same thing, only in the context of what Christ did on the cross. The question features the prayer 'Show me the beauty of a life laid down...' Powerful stuff.

'Run in the Night' is based on my favorite Psalm in the Bible - Psalm 27. It follows closely to the teachings of that chapter, and begins slow and contemplative, but near the end becomes a redemptive piece of love and perfection.

Track #9, 'Lay it Down,' is perhaps my favorite track on the entire album. It speaks of exactly what I've been dealing with for some time now. The senseless, counter-productive attitude of 'isolation will help me.' The song touches on the idea that if you are a Christian, you are a part of the most loving, understanding, welcoming, warm family conceivable. You have a father in heaven you adores you. You have brothers and sisters all over the world that belong to the same father you do, and there's deep connection in that. "We'll never be short on people," they sing, "but we'll never be short on trouble." The hard times always come along. The Enemy always attacks again. The chorus begs the question, "Why carry on our own?" they ask "Why drag this bag of bones to Hell and back again? Look around -" they say. "Lay it down." God puts people in our lives to love us, to build us up, to support and encourage us. We should absolutely allow them in and let them do so, as we are to do the same for them.

'Love Will Find Us' has a message that can be summed up in the chorus. "Run to these arms, be not alone;

Light is leading, love will find us all..." Beautiful.

Now, we'll go back to the title track, then touch on 'Benediction,' the closing track. The title track, 'The Shelter,' sums up the message of the Church in a beautiful way. Now, I did not say it sums up Christianity - it talks about us as Christians, and our roles in that. "To all who are looking down," to song speaks, "holding on to hearts still wounding... for those who've yet to find it: the places near where love is moving... cast off the robes you're wearing, set aside the names you've been given... may this place of rest in the fold of you journey bind you to hope." The idea that we, as Christians, are to be there for each other as the Church. Fellowship. To build each other up. To pray with and for one another. To help out in crisis. To comfort in despair. "God has given us each other..." the song says. In our hearts, hopefully, we have a group of friends or a family we know those words ring true about. I certainly know who God has given me for the purposes of this song. I feel their love and warmth whenever I hear this song. The chorus features the words of the old Irish proverb quoted at the top 'In the shelter of each other, we will live."

And then, in the end, there's 'Benediction.' It's a simple, quite song that basically says 'Now that you have the love of God, the strength of others, and the hope of life, go and spread the word.' Tell the world he loves you.

This album is an amazing collection of talent, meaning, and music that shines even above Jars of Clay's last album, 'The Long Fall Back to Earth.' I have already been blessed with the message and love of this album. It's an absolute must have for anyone.

Small Rebellions - 8/10

Call My Name - 9/10

We Will Follow - 10/10

Eyes Wide Open - 7/10

Shelter - 10/10

Out of My Hands - 8/10

No Greater Love - 8/10

Run in the Night - 7/10

Lay it Down - 10/10

Love Will Find Us - 7/10

Benediction - 9/10

Album as a Whole - 9/10

Highly Recommended.

Hope

The final days of Summer are upon us. The days are hotter than ever here in the south, but, as television commercials and signs hanging from the ceilings of our favorite department stores will remind us, it is coming to an end. People of all ages are preparing to return to school. The once young and naive children of parents are growing up and moving out. Relationships are beginning and ending inexplicably. Everything has that 'end of Summer' feeling it it... which is never a happy feeling.

I've realized that a lot of people I know have had these 'blues,' but it seems so inappropriate to call them that; no, it is inappropriate to call them that. Several good friends of mine seem to be, quite simply, loosing heart. I have friends who feel trapped where they are right now - desiring, deeply, to leave the home they know, and go to bigger and better things. I have friends who are just the opposite - after being uprooted from the home they loved, they're in a completely new world, feeling alone, friendless, and like they don't yet belong where they are. I have friends whose minds are racked with thoughts of their beloved, and those who have been hurt by people in the same position. I have friends who feel like they cannot trust their parents. I have friends who feel like they are alone. I have friends who have no idea where they're going on the road we call life, and I have friends who simply have become so disconnected with their own hearts that every day that passes is miserable; they're just working for the end.

It breaks my heart to see, not just my friends but, anyone like this. I'm here, to tell you, if only in text-form, on an unpopular internet blog, that this is not all there is.

"You've been hiding in the bedroom, hoping this isn't how the story has to go. It's not the way it goes. It's your book now. You are Golden." says Switchfoot. Like I said in a few posts back, you are a masterpiece created by the Almighty Himself. With that knowledge... what kind of story do you think God is telling through you? Have you ever thought about that?

"Life, you'll notice, is a story.

Life doesn't come to us like a math problem. It comes to us the way that a story does, scene by scene. You wake up. What will happen next? You don't get to know-you have to enter in, take the journey as it comes. The sun might be shining. There might be a tornado outside. Your friends might call and invite you to go sailing. You might lose your job.

Life unfolds like a drama. Doesn't it? Each day has a beginning and an end. There are all sorts of characters, all sorts of settings. A year goes by like a chapter from a novel. Sometimes it seems like a tragedy. Sometimes like a comedy. Most of it feels like a soap opera. Whatever happens, it's a story through and through.

If life is a story, what is the plot? What is your role to play? It would be good to know that, wouldn't it? What is this all about?

If there is meaning to this life, then why do our days seem so random? What is this drama we've been dropped into the middle of? If there is a God, what sort of story is he telling here? At some point we begin to wonder if Macbeth wasn't right after all: Is life a tale "told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing"?

No wonder we keep losing heart.

We find ourselves in the middle of a story that is sometimes wonderful, sometimes awful, often a confusing mixture of both, and we haven't a clue how to make sense of it all. It's like we're holding in our hands some pages torn out of a book. These pages are the days of our lives. Fragments of a story. They seem important, or at least we long to know they are, but what does it all mean? If only we could find the book that contains the rest of the story." - John Eldredge, 'Epic.'

If there's one thing I've learned from reading authors like Eldredge, listening to speakers like Perry Noble and Francis Chan, and spending time with God himself, there is one thing that has become abundantly clear: we are in a story. And stories have endings, don't they? Does that scare you? Does the idea that your story has an ending intimidate you?

It shouldn't. You know why? Because it's a happy ending. It's a fairytale ending.

"And they lived happily ever after," the Creative Arts Pastor at my church, Jerry Davison, begins, "Probably the most beautiful and haunting words in the English language. Don't roll your eyes! "Cheesy. There's no such thing as happy endings - that's not real life." Put that aside for a second, and let this be true for a minute. 'They lived happily ever after.'"

When we join the family of God, when we're adopted as a son or daughter to the Father God, we change not only the entire course of our life, but we change the ending to our stories. "This fallen world doesn't hold [our] interests; doesn't hold [our] souls." Switchfoot says. Thats because this world is not our home anymore. We try and get comfortable in one place, we expect we'll feel better in another place, in a new town, a new school, a new year... we expect that we will be ultimately happy here, that we can find home here, but we know, in our hearts, there are greater things. Don't we?

"I belong somewhere past the setting sun," Jon Foreman sings. "Just a few more weary days and then..." "I'm going home, to the place where I belong." Says Jars of Clay and Daughtry. "The earth spins, and the moon goes around, green comes up from the frozen ground, and everything will be made new again." "Now I've found it... This is Home.... Where the streets have no name, all my tears be washed away.

What do all these songs mean? There is hope. There is hope in your life. There is hope in God. There is hope in your happy ending. There's something to look forward to.

Life is like a vacation. There is a lot of fun to be had. There are a lot of new people to meet. There are things to do, places to go, a whole world to experience. But sooner or later, we get this longing in our heart for home. I feel, right now, it is my job to tell whoever is reading this that if your hope is in people, in things, in this world, you will be let down. But if your hope is in God... you will not be forsaken. You will not be forgotten. "Even if my own Father and Mother forsake me, you will hold me close," Psalm 27:10 says. "Who shall I fear?" the Psalmist also says, "if the Lord is with me?"

There is hope. There will always be hope.

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing." - Zephaniah 3:17

The Shadow Proves the Sunshine...
-Matt

'Scraped over too much Bread...'

"I feel...thin. Sort of stretched, like...butter scraped over too much bread."

...said Bilbo Baggins the day of his 111st birthday. In the JRR Tolkien's classic, he's sitting with Gandalf, the wise old wizard, in his cozy hobbit hole the morning of his birthday. Just outside his door, people are preparing a big event for the hobbit... but Bilbo feels empty. He has everything he could ever want - just a few years prior he went on a grand adventure and claimed an enormous amount of gold from an evil dragon. His home was filled to the rim of gold, jewels, and treasure. But here he is, sitting here pouring Gandalf a cup of tea as the sun comes shining in on an otherwise perfect day.

I feel like Bilbo these days.

I am extremely blessed to have all I have. I am serving in a fantastic church that 'gets it.' I am doing what I love with video in many different places, including that very same church. I have committed to writing and recording a Christian podcast that can, no doubt, change many perspectives or lives. I am chasing my dreams, I have all I need, and I'm surrounded by awesome people. But still - this emptiness. I am Bilbo Baggins.

Inside Bag End, Bilbo and Gandalf were sitting at the open window of a small room looking out west on to the garden. The late afternoon was bright and peaceful. The flowers glowed red and golden; snap-dragons and sunflowers. "How bright your garden looks!" said Gandalf. "Yes," said Bilbo, "I am very fond indeed of it, and of all the dear old Shire; but I think I need a holiday." -The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, JRR TOLKEIN

Here Bilbo sits with every beautiful thing in the world he could want or imagine. Awesome and beautiful things right outside his window. He's surrounded by things that, by normal account, would make him happy. Yet, he still is unhappy. I am Bilbo Baggins.

"I'm old, Gandalf," Bilbo says to Gandalf after confessing his uneasiness. "I know I don't lookit, but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart." He sits down, trying to find comfort. He then says, "I feel thin... like butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday." I am Bilbo Baggins.

What is bringing about this discontent in my heart? Am I growing weary of the good things I'm surrounded by? I don't believe so. If that were the case for our dear hobbit Bilbo, he would have just given his possessions to his relatives, and see if that would have helped. What is it then?

We find a clue in what Bilbo says to Gandalf during their tea conversation.

"I want to see mountains again - MOUNTAINS, Gandalf!" Mountains. The world. Adventure. The wilderness. Not the safety of Eden, but the danger and wild of the untrodden world beyond.

"I am not alive in an office. I am not alive in a taxi cab. I am not alive on a sidewalk." -Wild at Heart, JOHN ELDREDGE

I need adventure. Maybe not a backpacking adventure, or a canoeing expedition, but a spiritual adventure. One where there's a mountain to climb, and one where I figure out what God is trying to tell me. I am positive he is trying to communicate something to me. What, though? How am I supposed to figure it out with everything pressing me from all sides? When will I get a chance?

"We often suffer, but we are never crushed. Even when we don't know what to do, we never give up. In times of trouble, God is with us, and when we are knocked down, we get up again. So we're not giving up. How could we!? Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace." -2 Corinthians 4:8-9 CEV, 4:16 'The Message.'

God is always with me - with us - even when we are stressed out, even when we suffer, and even when we feel like poor Bilbo did - old. Weak. Stretched. Weary. Worn. Broken. He's there, and he never lets go. Does it end by itself, though? Hardly ever. I believe God is constantly calling us to climb higher up the mountain. Sometimes, though, he leads us to comfortable resting places that we like to hang out at for a while. He's waiting on the path waving his arms saying 'Follow me! We've still got this mountain to climb - this adventure to continue - but I feel like I'm saying 'I'm fine right here.'

But I obviously am not 'fine right here.' My prayer to God tonight is the same as Bilbo's plea to Gandalf was. "I want to see mountains again, MOUNTAINS, Jesus!' I want to continue this adventure, but I've become so content here. How do I move along?

By taking his hand. Embracing him. Following him, and letting him lead.

"Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you." -Psalm 25:4-5, NLT

I'm ready. Are you?
Thanks for reading.

-Matt

"I thought up an ending for my book. 'And he lived happily ever after. Even to the end of his days."

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say.