Final Fantasy and Jesus

I know that I do a lot of the "____ and Jesus" blog posts, where I take some popular movie or book or video game and begin to find some spiritual significance in it or some way for it relate it to the Bible. I've done Harry Potter, Kingdom Hearts, Lord of the Rings, and even Mario Kart. The title of this one is 'Final Fantasy and Jesus.'

Now, I could go through the story and talk about the spiritual allegory and Christian significance (which there is quite a bit), but today, I'm going to be talking directly about the game itself. As in, the actual cartridge the game is on. Let me explain.

I have a game for the portable Nintendo game system, the Nintendo DS, called, like the title of this blog, is 'Final Fantasy III.' It's, you know, one of those fantasy games boys like with magic and swords and adventure, monsters, pirates, duels, and all that. Since it's on the Nintendo DS, and is portable, I can literally play it anywhere I want.

Well, this past Saturday night, I was packing for a four-day vacation to Savannah, Georgia. Savannah is an amazing place that has it all - an amazing historical city, a wonderful beach, lots of neat places, and all that. It's a five-hour drive from here to there, and luckily, I didn't have to drive. I was going with my mom and dad, and dad was driving, so I got to hang out in the back seat and just enjoy the scenery.

So, I wanted to bring my Nintendo DS and Final Fantasy III - one of the best games I own for the system. So, while I was packing, I began looking for it.

And looking for it.

And looking for it.

AND LOOKING FOR IT.

For hours, literally HOURS, I was looking for it. I ended up gutting both of my rooms, cleaning out both of my closets, and deep cleaning every corner of every place I've been in the past three month trying to find this video game. I spent all afternoon and well into the night looking for that game. At about 1:30 am, after having looking from about 2pm that afternoon (almost 12 hours), I had not found it. I was about to go crazy.

So, I decided to pray about it. Normally, I do not like to pray about petty things like that. Like, 'Lord, please let me get to my movie on time' or 'God, please don't let the internet die - I have things to do!' I never like to pray like that, because I don't find it very respectful to the God of Creation to treat him like a vending machine. But I was pretty desperate. I was on the last stretch of my sanity. All for... a video game. (That I didn't even pay for - it was a gift.)

So, I prayed. I said, 'God, please... I'm at my wits end. I just want to enjoy the car ride down to Savannah tomorrow. Please let me find this game.' So, after that, I began looking again, knowing God would come through for me.

He didn't.

At least, not in the way I expected.

It was about 2am when I gave up the search. I plopped down on my bed thinking of the wasted day of cleaning and searching and hunting for that blasted game. And I even prayed to God, who didn't even help me! I wasn't really angry, just kind of upset.

Then, I think I heard God tell me something. Not audibly, of course, nor did some magic cloud fill my room, nor did I begin speaking gibberish and needed people to interpret my 'prayer language.' Sometimes, we get thoughts that feel so powerful that we know we can't come up with on our own, and I believe these to be actual words from God. He spoke to me in that moment.

"If only you'd look for me like you did that video game."

My response, of course, was. "But I do look for you, Lord. I spend time with you everyday."

"In a ritualistic kind of way - not always because you enjoy it. Image if you lost your Bible. How long would you spend looking for that?"

Ouch. He was right (as He often... er... always is). I had spent so much time and energy looking for, pursuing, something that mattered way too much to me. I spent HALF of a 24-hour day looking for... a video game! It made me wonder... what other things do I spend far too much energy or time on pursuing? I wouldn't say that video games are taking away my time with God (though I know some people who do actually have that problem), but I was thinking...

What things in my life am I pursuing harder that God?

Friendships? Sometimes, when I have a scuff with a friend (happening a lot lately), or just wanted to connect on a fellowship-like level with people, that I put a lot of energy and time into pursuing those relationships.

School? I spent $1000 and 360 hours of my life in the past six months pursuing, chasing, a degree in an undeclared major. I put so much energy and time and effort into making sure that I got that all-powerful 'A' on my grades.

My hobbies/career? I spend a lot of time watching movies, playing games (like I mentioned), making movies, writing and reading... and I spend a lot of time learning and practicing and enjoying things like that. Time. Lots of time.

Are any of those things bad? No! NONE of those things are bad. Friends, school, a career, hobbies - all of those things are good and are great gifts from God... but the question remains.

What are we chasing, pursuing, looking for... more than God? Are we willing to spend half a day looking HARD for a DS game... when we're reluctant to spend 30 minutes reading our Bible? Are we willing to spend three or four of our paychecks on a new LED television... when we're reluctant to tithe a tiny 10% at church? Do we talk on our cell phones or Skype or AIM... more than we talk to God?

Ask God. Ask Him, "God - is there something in my life that is taking the place of you?" If that's not the case, ask Him, like I did, "God, what can I do to pursue you more... more completely? More often? More thoroughly?" It's a dangerous prayer to pray, and pretty uncomfortable when He... actually answers. Then, we don't have any excuses.

So, try it. Ask God. He wants you to be closer to Him, but even more so, He WANTS you to WANT to be closer to Him! His word says...

"The Lord is close to ALL who call on Him; yes - to ALL who call on Him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)

He will come closer to those who actually call on Him - who WANT him to come closer, and those who abide in Truth - God's word.

So, ask Him today. Ask Him how you can become closer to Him.

By the way, I never found that game. I ended up learning a valuable lesson and sleeping all the way down there anyway, hah.

Thanks for Reading!
-Matt

A Squishy Heart

"Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts." - Excerpt from Psalm 95:7-8

How hard is your heart? I know, for me, my heart is pretty rough. Maybe not solid rock, but it's pretty thick. I mean, I feel more sympathy than some people, but when it comes to God, I feel like I have a thick, rocky heart. Like, it's made of stone. Maybe not granite or some hard, unscratchable stone, but definitely some sort of limestone or a soft stone.

You're asking 'What? Matt, is this a geology lesson?' Yes. Start taking notes.

No, I'm kidding. I'm talking about our hearts. 'Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.' So, again, I'll ask: How hard is your heart?

When I think about my heart, I think about how soft it is for others, but how hard I make it for God. Why do I do that? Kind of silly, isn't it?

I'm about to hurt some Theologians and John Piper-lovers feelings when I say this, but God is NOT going to just attack you with his 'irresistible grace' and soften your heart. He is not going to just yank you out of your sin... unless you LET HIM. We've got to trust Jesus, we've got to rely on Jesus, and we've got to ALLOW Jesus to help us.

I'm not saying that Jesus kind of is 'there' and you're on your own - goodness, no. He WILL help you. He will be with you. He will soften your heart... if you allow him.

But, okay, Driscollites and Pied Pipers; I'm finished. :P

Anyway, okay, how do we get 'a squishy heart?'

I think he pray. We ask God to help us, but we really do have to allow him. I struggle with giving God control - I know how easy it would be to live after that, but a part of me is like 'Do I really have to give you everything God? I mean, can't I keep a little bit of Matt in there? I'm a pretty nice guy - what about just a pinch of Matt?'

My problem is... I keep my heart hard and stony from God, because I know how radical and crazy he can make it. The heart is the central point of our soul and our lives.

To find God, you must look with all your heart. To remain present to God, you must remain present to your heart. To hear his voice, you must listen with all your heart. To love him, you must love with all your heart. You cannot be the person God meant you to be, and you cannot live the life he meant you to live, unless you live from the heart."

"[The Enemy's] plan from the beginning was to assault the heart... Make them so busy, they ignore the heart. Wound them so deeply, they don't want a heart. Twist their theology, so they despise the heart. Take away their courage. Destroy their creativity. Make intimacy with God impossible for them." - John Eldredge, 'Waking the Dead.'

I pray that we all receive a squishy heart from God today. ;)

-Matt

'Scraped over too much Bread...'

"I feel...thin. Sort of stretched, like...butter scraped over too much bread."

...said Bilbo Baggins the day of his 111st birthday. In the JRR Tolkien's classic, he's sitting with Gandalf, the wise old wizard, in his cozy hobbit hole the morning of his birthday. Just outside his door, people are preparing a big event for the hobbit... but Bilbo feels empty. He has everything he could ever want - just a few years prior he went on a grand adventure and claimed an enormous amount of gold from an evil dragon. His home was filled to the rim of gold, jewels, and treasure. But here he is, sitting here pouring Gandalf a cup of tea as the sun comes shining in on an otherwise perfect day.

I feel like Bilbo these days.

I am extremely blessed to have all I have. I am serving in a fantastic church that 'gets it.' I am doing what I love with video in many different places, including that very same church. I have committed to writing and recording a Christian podcast that can, no doubt, change many perspectives or lives. I am chasing my dreams, I have all I need, and I'm surrounded by awesome people. But still - this emptiness. I am Bilbo Baggins.

Inside Bag End, Bilbo and Gandalf were sitting at the open window of a small room looking out west on to the garden. The late afternoon was bright and peaceful. The flowers glowed red and golden; snap-dragons and sunflowers. "How bright your garden looks!" said Gandalf. "Yes," said Bilbo, "I am very fond indeed of it, and of all the dear old Shire; but I think I need a holiday." -The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, JRR TOLKEIN

Here Bilbo sits with every beautiful thing in the world he could want or imagine. Awesome and beautiful things right outside his window. He's surrounded by things that, by normal account, would make him happy. Yet, he still is unhappy. I am Bilbo Baggins.

"I'm old, Gandalf," Bilbo says to Gandalf after confessing his uneasiness. "I know I don't lookit, but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart." He sits down, trying to find comfort. He then says, "I feel thin... like butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday." I am Bilbo Baggins.

What is bringing about this discontent in my heart? Am I growing weary of the good things I'm surrounded by? I don't believe so. If that were the case for our dear hobbit Bilbo, he would have just given his possessions to his relatives, and see if that would have helped. What is it then?

We find a clue in what Bilbo says to Gandalf during their tea conversation.

"I want to see mountains again - MOUNTAINS, Gandalf!" Mountains. The world. Adventure. The wilderness. Not the safety of Eden, but the danger and wild of the untrodden world beyond.

"I am not alive in an office. I am not alive in a taxi cab. I am not alive on a sidewalk." -Wild at Heart, JOHN ELDREDGE

I need adventure. Maybe not a backpacking adventure, or a canoeing expedition, but a spiritual adventure. One where there's a mountain to climb, and one where I figure out what God is trying to tell me. I am positive he is trying to communicate something to me. What, though? How am I supposed to figure it out with everything pressing me from all sides? When will I get a chance?

"We often suffer, but we are never crushed. Even when we don't know what to do, we never give up. In times of trouble, God is with us, and when we are knocked down, we get up again. So we're not giving up. How could we!? Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace." -2 Corinthians 4:8-9 CEV, 4:16 'The Message.'

God is always with me - with us - even when we are stressed out, even when we suffer, and even when we feel like poor Bilbo did - old. Weak. Stretched. Weary. Worn. Broken. He's there, and he never lets go. Does it end by itself, though? Hardly ever. I believe God is constantly calling us to climb higher up the mountain. Sometimes, though, he leads us to comfortable resting places that we like to hang out at for a while. He's waiting on the path waving his arms saying 'Follow me! We've still got this mountain to climb - this adventure to continue - but I feel like I'm saying 'I'm fine right here.'

But I obviously am not 'fine right here.' My prayer to God tonight is the same as Bilbo's plea to Gandalf was. "I want to see mountains again, MOUNTAINS, Jesus!' I want to continue this adventure, but I've become so content here. How do I move along?

By taking his hand. Embracing him. Following him, and letting him lead.

"Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you." -Psalm 25:4-5, NLT

I'm ready. Are you?
Thanks for reading.

-Matt

"I thought up an ending for my book. 'And he lived happily ever after. Even to the end of his days."

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say.

Worlds Apart

"I am the only one to blame for this.
Somehow it all adds up the same.
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride,
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
with a world I try so hard to leave behind.
To rid myself of all but love;
To give and die..."

I feel like sometimes, I'm so close to God. I feel alive, and I feel vibrant, and I feel like I can conquer the world, and that Jesus Christ can radically change the world through me. Then, other times, I feel like I'm worlds apart from him. I feel dead. Motionless. Defenseless. Not able to life a finger to command the sin in my life. I'm redeemed; I'm saved. But it's still there; ready to strike like a lion; a thief ready to steal my happiness, kill my love, and destroy my life. (John 10:10a)

It's my fault, though. I am the only one to blame for this. Somehow it all adds up the same.

The selfish pride I fly upon says 'I love Jesus, but I try and save myself with my behavior.' But, like Icarus, I collide with the fire, my wings melt, and I begin the long fall back to earth - the world I tried so hard to leave behind.

How can I rid myself of all but love, and give and die?

"To turn away and not become
another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
of a world embracing every heartache..."

Today, at church, Pastor Jerry was talking about The Enemy of ours. What I want to know is why he continues to pursue me after he knows he's lost me? Jerry brought up a passage that I actually read in John Eldredge's 'Waking the Dead,' which is an absolutely amazing book. I remember reading this, too. He says that the enemy fears what I am capable of, so, of course, he's going to do everything in his power to stop me from doing what I can actually do.

I think of it as a secret soldier, sneaking into the King's camp, taking the armor of his knights, and weakening them; taking their swords and dulling them to the point of being ineffective. I feel, sometimes, like that's what the Enemy is trying to do to me.

"All said and done I stand alone
amongst remains of a life I should not own.
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me..."

Why does it take so much for me to believe that God has not only saved me, but is willing to fight for me? This is such an outrageous concept to me; the Death of Jesus - the son of God. I mean, think about it. The death of His one and only son was less painful than the thought of spending eternity apart from me - from you. This is mind blowing and heart melting. Jesus saved me, but the infinite creator of the universe, the King of everything, the Lord of heaven, and the GOD of EXISTENCE loves me enough to practically KILL his own son... just so he could embrace me.

Me, the one who allows all this horrible scum in and out of my life, like I've given it a portion of my heart. Why wouldn't I fully give all that I am to the one who loves me like that?

"Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are,
because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart..."

I think my problem up to this point is I think I've been looking at this battle, this struggle, as a war I'm fighting for God, rather than a war he is fighting for me. I'm going to be really honest; I cannot defeat Satan. He is strong. He is powerful, and he is evil. I cannot defeat him. But God CAN, so I need to allow him to fight for me because, well, you cannot defeat God.

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost.
And wipe away the crimson stains,
And dull the nails that still remain.
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour.
The battle between grace and pride;
I gave up not so long ago.

So steal my heart, and take the pain.
And wash the feet, and cleanse my pride.
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide.
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin-soaked heart and make it yours.
Take my world all apart.
Take it now, take it now.

And serve the ones that I despise.
Speak the words I can't deny.
Watch the world I used to love,
Fall to dust and thrown away.

Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart...

Apart from him, I, we, can do nothing.

"This is the last time I'm starting over with you."

So, is it? Is this the last time I'm starting over? Is this the last time you're starting over? I hope so. I pray that you and I, whoever you are, reader, see the big picture, and see that God is willing to fight for us the battle we cannot possibly win. I love this about the God we serve. His love is infinite.

"Oh, he loves us. Oh, how he loves us. Oh, how he loves us. Oh, how he loves."

'I pray that you ... may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long
and high and deep is the love of Christ.' (Ephesians 3:17-19) That excites me to no end! I'm ready to rely on the Holy Spirit, I'm ready to really allow God into my life, and I'm ready to to live again.

Thanks for reading,
-Matt

- - - - -

'Worlds Apart' by Jars of Clay
'Valley of Tomorrow' by NeedtoBreathe

'How He Loves' by David Crowder

Jerry Davison's blog and John Eldredge's blog located off to the side.

"I Died Today"

A Sermon by Steve Whipple (Link)

I found that message on the church's computer last night, and found myself listening to the whole thing. It was from a series we did about a year ago about the launch of our church's capital campaign called 'The Wild Goose Chase." I love this part of the message:

"I've died so many times in my life, I can't even count how many; it's not even funny how many times I've died. I really have a hard time dying. Every time I do, I struggle with it... What I'm talking about is the sense of dying to myself. The key to dying to myself is not so much that part, but what happens after I die."

Then, he goes on to tell about a High School guy that used to attend 'The Ridge.'

"It's been nearly three years now since we launched [The Church at the Ridge]. God's been doing some amazing things here in three years, and it wasn't too long after we started, there was this High School kid came to one of our services, and I don't even remember what we talked about, but I do remember he came walking out, and he took me by the hand, with tears streaming down his face, and he said "I died today.""

Wow. "I died today." Such a powerful thing to say, and such a hard thing to actually do. I totally understand what my Pastor was saying when he said "I've died so many times in my life, I can't even count how many; it's not even funny how many times I've died. I really have a hard time dying. Every time I do, I struggle with it." That's extremely true with myself - I think every Christian goes through it, too, at some point or another. Dying to ourselves, and pursue with intentionality the Holy Spirit with passion and excitement. We leave ourselves behind, and we are totally passionate about God's plan and his work - a friend of mine once described this as a 'Jesus-High.'

"Then Monday comes," like my Pastor says. Monday and the ordinary come back around, and you're no longer dead to yourself - you're living for yourself again, and are dead to the Holy Spirit. How scary is that, huh? Trusting yourself instead of the one who created, redeemed, and saved your life. I've gone through it many times. Starting over and over again on this spiritual journey that should be a one-time deal.

Starting over. New life. What am I, a cat? Do I have these nine lives I have to go through to get to where I need to be? What does the Bible say?

This is one of my all-time favorite passages in scripture. You can feel the hope and love radiating off of these words as you read them.

¹⁷ This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! ¹⁸ And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. ¹⁹ For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. ²⁰ So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” ²¹ For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.

(2 Corninthians 5:17-21 NLT)

'A New Creation!' 'A New Life!' 'COME BACK TO GOD!' What powerful words. There's never been a point in my life, even when I was a kid, that I didn't believe in God. I consider this to be a good thing and a bad thing. It's good because my parents raised me like they should have - teaching me the Bible and who Jesus was, etc. It's bad because it took 14 years for me to see the difference between knowing about Jesus and actually knowing Jesus. In fact, that is what Steve, my Pastor who did the message I linked to at the top, has been talking about in Church.

Besides that, though, my question remains. 'How do I die to myself and stay dead?'

I think this is where I'm heading these next weeks. For a while, I was concerned with what God wants me to do with my life. I discovered, through the counseling of friends, through messages taught by several Pastors, and studying the scriptures that sin, indeed, is a hinderence.

That might seem obvious. I mean, everyone goes around saying that. But what does that really mean? I believe the sin in us is keeping us from God. Not that we're our old sinful creatures, but the sin that lives in us is trying to control us - the Enemy is trying to control us.

He, the Enemy, would love nothing more than to make a bunch of spiritually dead, Christian zombie drones out of all of us - living for ourselves rather than living a life 'fully alive' (as John Eldredge puts it)

I have sin in my life that I just can't seem to shake... and that's my problem. I'm trying to shake it myself, instead of relying on the Holy Spirit to shake it for me. It seems all this time I am allowing the Holy Spirit to work through me when I feel like it. I'm not relying, counting, on the Holy Spirit to move me. I've been looking at Him more like an aid, rather than a 'counselor.' In Summer camp, what does a counselor do? He directs the paths, places, and activities his campers participate in, right? That is what I want to allow the Holy Spirit to do! Direct my paths like it says in the book of Psalms.

"Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow! Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you." -Psalm 25:4-5

Pray for me as I pray for the Holy Spirit to be a supremely active part of our lives. Through him, God can do amazing things through us! What an amazing thing.

Thanks for reading!
-Matt

Pray for Chile, California, and Hawaii

This morning an earthquake shook the grounds of Chile - the South American nation on the far west side of the continent. The magnitude was 8.8, which is incredibly strong. To put that into perspective, the recent earthquake to nearly destroy the island nation of Haiti was a 7.0. That's 64 times stronger than the one that hit Haiti. However, it was much deeper in the Earth, so the causalities to hit Chile will probably be far less that that of the Caribbean.

The real problem is that the earthquake has caused a tsunami to form in the ocean that is sweeping across the Atlantic toward our home in the United States. California's coast and the entire state of Hawaii is under a severe alert state the is asking everyone to evacuate and get to the highest points they can.

We're praying that God does something that only he can do - that the people of Chile, California, and Hawaii are protected from the dangers of this earthquake and this giant wave headed their way. Keep these people in your prayers, everyone.

-Matt