Talking to God

It seems to me, the more I grow as a Christian, as a man, as a friend, as just a person in general, the answers we struggle the hardest to get and the solutions we fight for most are the most obvious. When we get them, we suffer a moment of 'Naw-duh, Sherlock,' and that can make us/me feel stupid and embarrassed, but I think it's something we all have in common.

This blog post has the potential to get very personal with a lot of people, but for the sake of anonymity, I suppose it would be polite for me to be as vague as possible while still having some sort of meaning without sounding like I'm a whiny teenager. Ooh, boy. Specifics aren't important anyway, hah.

I'll begin with a question: Have you ever been in a situation where you had no where to turn to for help? I know what you're thinking. 'I ALWAYS HAVE JESUS, HALLELUJAH - AMEN!'

While that's true, be honest - how often do you turn to God for help? That's what I thought. An embarrassingly small amount of the time, isn't it? I can say the same. Whenever something's got me down, or worse... I can honestly say that sometimes God is the last place I will turn for help.

It seems odd to say that, though. Usually, outside of Christianity, we see people only going to God when we need help, but I bet for a lot of us, as Christians, it's easy to maintain a regular prayer life filled with ins-and-outs, daily 'quiet-times' (sweet child of mine, I hate that term), and what have you, but I find myself never really going to God with my problems or... I guess my heart.

I wrote a little bit about this a few weeks back - about opening up to God. I think that is a major part of it. I haven't been nor have I really ever opened up to God, and I find that when I do, He is able to show me things I'd never expected or things I'd never thought of otherwise.

In the past few months, I've been struggling pretty badly with... life, hah. Things got pretty low at one point - they still continue to drop down there now and again. It got to the point where I was physically hurting myself because, you know, apparently that's supposed to help. It didn't. My doctor put my on antidepressants which have helped a tremendous amount, but still... it doesn't fix anything.

So, I figure I could turn to people. My pastors. My family. My closest friends. I've opened up very little to anyone, and when I do, I find myself stuttering, censoring myself, and never really even releasing a coherent thought. Even talking to the people I love most (they can tell you this and are probably reading this now, hah), I'm very secretive, cryptic, and quiet about what goes on in my own heart.

And pretty soon, I found myself in a situation where there was nobody I could talk to. At all. Don't get me wrong - without a doubt in my mind, God places people in our lives to hold us up, pray for us, talk to us, and help us... but what about when we find ourselves going there first? Instead of having people there as pillars of support, I found myself treating them as a foundation of it.

So, in this situation, I found myself getting deeper and deeper into confusion, pain, sadness, and numbness. What was I supposed to do? Recently, it got to the point where I was, literally, angry at God. You know, like the cheesy Christian movies where the protagonist is like 'God, why did you allow this to happen! It's your fault! BLAH!' But I was basically like that.

'God... why are you even allowing this to happen to me? Why... in all of your ability as God and Ruler of the freakin' Universe, would you allow these little things to line up so perfectly that not only are my feelings hurt and my heart in shambles, but I have no one to talk to about it? Why on earth would you allow me to be so alone here?''

That's when I had my 'Naw-duh' moment.

And it's pretty much a recurring theme in the Bible, especially the Psalms.

"Seek the Lord and His strength; seek his face continuously." (Psalm 105:4)

"Those who know your name trust in You; for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." (Psalm 9:10)

"Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." (Psalm 55:22)

"In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles" (Psalm 34:6)

I think that's what He was trying to tell me. I think God allowed me to fall so deep into this literal depression so that I could see, sooner or later, that the only - the only - way out would be to rely on Him.

The Enemy, of course, was hell-bent (pun intended) on making sure that I felt everything that ever happened to me was the result of my surroundings and not the way I was choosing to deal with them. Think about it - if I break my arm accidentally doing something, who do I go to for help? The people I love? They can comfort me and give me advice, sure, but does that heal me? Do I just go through it alone? No, because my arm would remain broken, wouldn't it? I need the doctor, don't I?

It's a simple, Elementary school analogy, yeah, but it's what I've been doing. Does going to God first with my heart, my troubles, my concerns, my everything fix the situations I'm in? No, not necessarily. There's still going to be pain because the attacks of our most relentless Enemy do not stop because we notice him performing them.

I think the most important thing for us... and me, really... to remember is that God is Father, and I am his son. He wants me to come to Him, because he loves me, and is willing to help me. He's willing to just listen if that's all I need. How many times has that happened to you - you're talking something out to someone, and they say nothing at all but continue to let you talk because they know you'll eventually come to the conclusion yourself? I think God does that a lot with us.

The bottom line I want to say is the God listens, and God helps. Sometimes, He allows absolute crap to pour into our lives from every direction so we see that there is no one else that can really help us but Him.

Questions for you now: How much do you trust God? I mean 'trust' in the sense can you really tell him everything, like a best friend... like a Father the Bible says He is? Can you be open to God? He did everything in His Power (and the God of Eternity has a lot of power) to be with you; can't you spare more than a campy ritualistic 'quiet time' with Him? It's something to think about.

As I pray today, I ask that you join me in really just going to God and opening your heart. Forget 'praying,' sit down and talk with God like you have a relationship with Him. That's what Christianity is, and we often tell people that, but act like we don't believe it. 'It's not a religion; it's a relationship!' we'll glibly spew along with every other Christian cliche, but we still pray like God is a stained-glass window image in the cathedral of our mind. I think he deserves and wants more than that. I think I want more that that.

So, try it today. Talk to God. Tell Him about your day. About what makes you happy. About what makes you sad. About how much you love your friends. About how much you liked that movie you saw. About that nasty food you ate at the mall the other day. Be reverent, but fod God's sake, be personal. God is a person. A person who loves you.

Pray for me, too, reader, as I learn this with you.

-Matt

Hope

The final days of Summer are upon us. The days are hotter than ever here in the south, but, as television commercials and signs hanging from the ceilings of our favorite department stores will remind us, it is coming to an end. People of all ages are preparing to return to school. The once young and naive children of parents are growing up and moving out. Relationships are beginning and ending inexplicably. Everything has that 'end of Summer' feeling it it... which is never a happy feeling.

I've realized that a lot of people I know have had these 'blues,' but it seems so inappropriate to call them that; no, it is inappropriate to call them that. Several good friends of mine seem to be, quite simply, loosing heart. I have friends who feel trapped where they are right now - desiring, deeply, to leave the home they know, and go to bigger and better things. I have friends who are just the opposite - after being uprooted from the home they loved, they're in a completely new world, feeling alone, friendless, and like they don't yet belong where they are. I have friends whose minds are racked with thoughts of their beloved, and those who have been hurt by people in the same position. I have friends who feel like they cannot trust their parents. I have friends who feel like they are alone. I have friends who have no idea where they're going on the road we call life, and I have friends who simply have become so disconnected with their own hearts that every day that passes is miserable; they're just working for the end.

It breaks my heart to see, not just my friends but, anyone like this. I'm here, to tell you, if only in text-form, on an unpopular internet blog, that this is not all there is.

"You've been hiding in the bedroom, hoping this isn't how the story has to go. It's not the way it goes. It's your book now. You are Golden." says Switchfoot. Like I said in a few posts back, you are a masterpiece created by the Almighty Himself. With that knowledge... what kind of story do you think God is telling through you? Have you ever thought about that?

"Life, you'll notice, is a story.

Life doesn't come to us like a math problem. It comes to us the way that a story does, scene by scene. You wake up. What will happen next? You don't get to know-you have to enter in, take the journey as it comes. The sun might be shining. There might be a tornado outside. Your friends might call and invite you to go sailing. You might lose your job.

Life unfolds like a drama. Doesn't it? Each day has a beginning and an end. There are all sorts of characters, all sorts of settings. A year goes by like a chapter from a novel. Sometimes it seems like a tragedy. Sometimes like a comedy. Most of it feels like a soap opera. Whatever happens, it's a story through and through.

If life is a story, what is the plot? What is your role to play? It would be good to know that, wouldn't it? What is this all about?

If there is meaning to this life, then why do our days seem so random? What is this drama we've been dropped into the middle of? If there is a God, what sort of story is he telling here? At some point we begin to wonder if Macbeth wasn't right after all: Is life a tale "told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing"?

No wonder we keep losing heart.

We find ourselves in the middle of a story that is sometimes wonderful, sometimes awful, often a confusing mixture of both, and we haven't a clue how to make sense of it all. It's like we're holding in our hands some pages torn out of a book. These pages are the days of our lives. Fragments of a story. They seem important, or at least we long to know they are, but what does it all mean? If only we could find the book that contains the rest of the story." - John Eldredge, 'Epic.'

If there's one thing I've learned from reading authors like Eldredge, listening to speakers like Perry Noble and Francis Chan, and spending time with God himself, there is one thing that has become abundantly clear: we are in a story. And stories have endings, don't they? Does that scare you? Does the idea that your story has an ending intimidate you?

It shouldn't. You know why? Because it's a happy ending. It's a fairytale ending.

"And they lived happily ever after," the Creative Arts Pastor at my church, Jerry Davison, begins, "Probably the most beautiful and haunting words in the English language. Don't roll your eyes! "Cheesy. There's no such thing as happy endings - that's not real life." Put that aside for a second, and let this be true for a minute. 'They lived happily ever after.'"

When we join the family of God, when we're adopted as a son or daughter to the Father God, we change not only the entire course of our life, but we change the ending to our stories. "This fallen world doesn't hold [our] interests; doesn't hold [our] souls." Switchfoot says. Thats because this world is not our home anymore. We try and get comfortable in one place, we expect we'll feel better in another place, in a new town, a new school, a new year... we expect that we will be ultimately happy here, that we can find home here, but we know, in our hearts, there are greater things. Don't we?

"I belong somewhere past the setting sun," Jon Foreman sings. "Just a few more weary days and then..." "I'm going home, to the place where I belong." Says Jars of Clay and Daughtry. "The earth spins, and the moon goes around, green comes up from the frozen ground, and everything will be made new again." "Now I've found it... This is Home.... Where the streets have no name, all my tears be washed away.

What do all these songs mean? There is hope. There is hope in your life. There is hope in God. There is hope in your happy ending. There's something to look forward to.

Life is like a vacation. There is a lot of fun to be had. There are a lot of new people to meet. There are things to do, places to go, a whole world to experience. But sooner or later, we get this longing in our heart for home. I feel, right now, it is my job to tell whoever is reading this that if your hope is in people, in things, in this world, you will be let down. But if your hope is in God... you will not be forsaken. You will not be forgotten. "Even if my own Father and Mother forsake me, you will hold me close," Psalm 27:10 says. "Who shall I fear?" the Psalmist also says, "if the Lord is with me?"

There is hope. There will always be hope.

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing." - Zephaniah 3:17

The Shadow Proves the Sunshine...
-Matt

Masterpiece

"We are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." -Ephesians 2:10

Read that word again. 'Masterpiece.' Do you know what a 'masterpiece is?' Princeton defines the word as this: 'The most outstanding work of a creative artist or craftsman." Webster defines it as a 'supreme achievement.'

Whoa. Think about that for a second. Did you ever realize that you, YOU, are 'the most outstanding work' of God? The creative artist - the master craftsman - has named you as His 'most outstanding work?' As His 'Supreme Achievement?' Can you believe that? Out of everything our Creator God made - the beautiful sunsets, the captivating clouds of the deep blue sky; out of every creature that walks the Earth, every fish in the ocean, every bird in the air; Out of every star in space, out of every planet in the heavens, out of EVERY glorious, massive thing hanging in the universe.... YOU are his masterpiece?

Face it! You are God's favorite. Seriously! I really just want that to sink in. Out of everything God made... YOU are his FAVORITE. He put more work into you than anything else. He put more creative energy into you than anything else, and most importantly, he put more love into you than anything else. We wonder, sometimes, 'Why does God love us?' The answer should be obvious! He absolutely adores you! He is proud of you! He looks at his children, and, I believe, beams with the same love and pride that a proud parent has on their face when they look upon their own children.

And when I say 'You,' I do not mean a collective 'human race' type deal - that verse at the beginning of this blog post proves otherwise. When we give our lives to him, he re-creates us in Jesus Christ. We become, or begin to become, everything God intended for his 'masterpieces' to be - these awesome, wonderful, created sons and daughters of a Holy Father who loves us, and has BIG plans for us! And these things He wants us to do - these plans He has for every one of us as Christians - are not just random jobs or tasks. No, he looked into our hearts from eternity (before the world even existed) and said 'Oh, I have BIG PLANS for that one!'

All this may seem like very bottom line, early Christian, 'Yeah, we already know that' type stuff, but I think that we all, even myself, need reminded of the simple truths sometimes. Today, that simple truth is 'God made you Special, and loves you very much.' Thanks, Veggie Tales. :P

Anyway, I just felt 'lead' to write this, if you want to say that. I read that verse in my time with God today, and I found it so awesome, I had to write about it. I hope you got something out of it!

God as Our Father

There are a few Christian authors/speakers/pastors out there that God has used in my life in pretty big ways. People like Perry Noble of NewSpring Chuch, or Greg Laurie of Harvest Ministries, or even musicians like Dan Haseltine of Jars of Clay or Jon Foreman of Switchfoot. One man, though, who podcasts and books have really effected me and changed my perspectives on a lot of things is John Eldredge of Ransomed Heart Ministries. This blog post isn't necessarily about any particular idea he presents, but one that is one of the simplest, oldest biblical ideas he wrote about in a book(Fathered by God); the idea of God as Father.

My father is a Lt. Col. in our county's Sheriff's office and the commander on our S.W.A.T. team. Lt. Col. is pretty high up in the ranks - I believe 2nd or 3rd only to the Sheriff himself. He's a pretty important guy - he's in charge of a lot of things and a lot of people - has been as far back as I can remember.

I remember as a kid of around seven or so, our area would put on a huge arts and crafts festival where, literally, thousands of people would flock to buy wood-craved yard decorations, old knick-knacks, and basically a lot of crap no one would ever need, ever. It was a lot of fun to just walk around and see everything, though. The Sheriff's office was always in charge of security, and it would seem that my dad was always the head of that. I remember waking up early the weekend of the festival and riding in my dad's cop car all the way to the fairgrounds, and getting out behind the Sheriff's office headquarters. Even as a little kid, I felt so respected and important around the other officers. Why? Because I was the son of the guy in charge!

I was big stuff for only seven years old! I knew that no one could pick on me - my dad was a cop. He was able to give me all sorts of cool stuff that the county would give him for free, or that he's get in the festival for just being a police officer, and he'd give them to me. The popcorn lady would give him a bag, and he'd give it to me, or he'd get me something from the wooden toy place (like these wicked rubber band guns they used to have); all that kind of thing.

But, most importantly, I was the son of the man in charge, which made me feel special, but that's because I was special; still am! The bible says in Matthew 7:11 "So if you know how to give good gifts to your own children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him!" I don't have children, yet, but I know, when I do, it's going to take everything I have not to spoil my kids by just giving them every thing their little hearts desire. I take joy in that sort of thing - making someone else happy, especially children, and I'd imagine especially if they were my own. A father - a dad - that genuinely loves to make his kids happy? You ever think of God like that?

I think all too often we will recall God as 'Father,' but do we ever really think of him as a loving father? I think we neglect that quality of God too often! God is generous, he is good, and he is loving - the perfect father.

"You are the son of a kind, strong, and engaged father; a father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step. This is perhaps the hardest thing to believe - really believe, down deep in our hearts, so that it changes us forever, changes the was we approach each day." -John Eldredge, 'Fathered by God'

As a Christian, you are an adopted child of God. Ever think of that? Ever think about how your dad is 'the man in charge?' How much he loves you? Like, as a father, loves you? Ever think about how important you are to Him? How proud of you he is when you do something great, or how forgiving and loving his is when you mess up? That's a big one. What about how he's there to offer wisdom when you need it? Or when you just need to know your loved? The father who provides for you, the father who 'walks with you every step' of the way? My friends, God is Father!

I know, personally, if there's one quality of God I tend to overlook so often, it's his ability to father me. Eldredge says, through prayer, in his book...

"You have taken me home, through Christ, to be your own son. I accept that. I give my life back to you, to be your true son. Father me. Father me."

Those are powerful words, aren't they? I don't have much more to say (tonight at least - it's 2:3oAM, haha), but I will say this - will you let God... be your father?

See, now I really want to read through 'Fathered by God' again. :)

"I live because of the living Father who sent me; in the same way, anyone who feeds on me will live because of me." John 6:57 NLT

Beauty, Romance, Love, and Significance

Wow, tonight was one of those night where God has just been moving in my heart in some big ways, teaching me some simple things that hold heavy meaning. It was 2:30 AM, and I was out relaxing in our hot tub (which is an AWESOME thing to have - we got it cheap, too!) looking up at the full moon shining onto the puffy white clouds surrounding it, just the extravagant sky God had painted for me to see, and it was just a lovely time. This was right after my quiet time, too, so God was already working heavy on my heart, and just seeing the sheer scope of the beauty one stretch of sky could have made me start thinking more and more about our Father God, and these four words hit me, in this order: Beauty, Romance, Love, and Significance.

Beauty. There is so much beauty in this world, but if we go too fast, and, literally, don't take time to stop and smell the flowers, we can miss it. Take a look at the flowers, trees, plants - even weeds! - and you can see just the raw beauty and creativity of God. The Bible says that God crowned US, human beings, with his 'Glory and Honor. [He] gave [us] charge over everything [He] has made; putting all things under [our] authority.' (Psalm 8:5b-6) In Hebrews, it goes on to say "Now, when it says 'all things,' it means nothing is left out.' (2:8b). All things! Created for US to oversee, to be over, to enjoy and to live in. Every beautiful thing of nature, every waterfall, flower, tree, mountain, planet, galaxy - all made for us, by the One who loves us dearly.

But beauty doesn't stop there. There is beauty in God's most precious creation - us! There is beauty in every child. I spent years in children's ministry, and as I think about what I know children are capable of knowing and doing, it blows my mind and rattles my heart. There's beauty in their innocence, in their smiles, in their endless happiness and energy, there's beauty in their giving, loving hearts, and there's beauty in the futures!

There's beauty in every woman. Graceful, elegant, rapturous beauty; with wisdom grounded in their hearts, and love for all things. Women personify perfectly God's love, mercy, and nurturing characteristics, and He has made them beautiful.

There's beauty in every man, too! Valiant, heroic leaders willing to fight for what they believe in. With strength, wisdom, vigor, men have in them the beauty of leadership, of God's fathering and teaching characteristics, and the beauty of love.

Beauty is all around us, and God desires us to take notice of it, and especially enjoy it! Which leads me to my next point...

Romance. To pursue, enjoy, and grasp the beauty in this world, in a lover, or God himself is really a biblical definition of 'romance.' The fully delve into the beauty God has offered us freely, simply for our enjoyment, is a beautiful thing. The intimacy God, the almighty king of EXISTENCE offers ME a deep, personal relationship with him, free of charge. I'll touch on this more in a moment.

But not only did he freely offer me salvation, but he's given me - us - this wonderful, romantic, awesome place we call 'earth' to live in. You see in the locked eyes of every couple. You see it in the beauty the rain joining the swaying pedals of a flower. You see it in the sacrifice Jesus gave us. That is romance in it's purest, holiest form.

Love. It wasn't even that I loved God or that I was a Christian he did all of that for me; the Bible makes it perfectly clear 'While I was still a sinner, Christ died for ME.' (Romans 5:8). He loved me enough to initiate the relationship with me - with US! - that while I was still his enemy, he loved me more than I can still fathom. That type of love - love that God IS (1 John 4:8) shakes me to my care when I see the beauty and romance in all of creation. I could write volumes on the love of God - it's so massive and mind-boggling. Love is that not only did God create us, not only did he give us an amazing world, not only did he let us live after sinning against him, not only did he die and conquer death itself on out behalf, but he WANTS US to be in a LOVING relationship with him. He DESIRES us. Which brings me to the last point.

Significance. I was reading in 1 Samuel tonight, I read these words that God seemed to speak to me, affirming something he's been trying to get across to me for a while now.

"Even when you are chased by those who seek to kill you, your life is safe in the care of the LORD your God, secure in his treasure pouch." (1 Samuel 25:29)

See that at the end? Treasure pouch. Tell me: what does one put in a treasure pouch? Their treasure. Their valuables. The things they love above all things. If, metaphorically speaking, that's where God holds us, then holy guacamole, we are significant, aren't we? To think that not only are we loved, but we're treasured by God is something that makes me want to cry! When we think of the love God has for us, I think sometimes, because of the overuse of the word 'love' in our culture, we don't really grasp it. But using words like 'treasured' puts all that weight back in, doesn't it?

I have been struggling with the deal of my significance. Christians everywhere go around talking about how they're 'just a sinner saved' or how they're 'the wretch the song Amazing Grace talks about,' but You and I are SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.

John Eldredge says that (paraphrased) "To God, the idea of being separated from us for eternity was too much to bear. So, when faced with his holy decision, he found it would be LESS PAINFUL to give his son - to kill himself, in the flesh - than to be apart from us." Wow. Have you ever realized just how special and significant you are? God has created the beauty, the ability to become intimate with it and God, and he's given salvation... all for you? Not a collective you, but YOU as an individual. YOU as in [insert name here.] YOU as YOU were created to be. You are no accident. Once you've given your heart to the Lord, you are no longer a wretch, and you are no longer a slave to sin. 'You are GOLDEN,' as songwriter Jon Foreman (Switchfoot) says. How awesome is that!?

So, as I write this extremely long blog post, I hope you find encouragement and truth in these words I've written in the past half hour. I know that these things God has taught me are extraordinary things the Enemy would just love to destroy and snatch away whenever he can get his grubby little hands on it, but I am going to fight for these truths. It's when we're discovering significant things and drawing ever closer to God that Satan tries his hardest to pull us back away. Don't let him have you! Show him who's boss; show him who's team you're fighting for. It's team that will not lose. ;)

Thanks for reading! And hey - if you were encouraged at all by this blog post, let me know in the comments, please. It would be a major encouragement to me, myself, and I get to see what you guys think of the blogging here.

Have a great night!

Worlds Apart

"I am the only one to blame for this.
Somehow it all adds up the same.
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride,
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
with a world I try so hard to leave behind.
To rid myself of all but love;
To give and die..."

I feel like sometimes, I'm so close to God. I feel alive, and I feel vibrant, and I feel like I can conquer the world, and that Jesus Christ can radically change the world through me. Then, other times, I feel like I'm worlds apart from him. I feel dead. Motionless. Defenseless. Not able to life a finger to command the sin in my life. I'm redeemed; I'm saved. But it's still there; ready to strike like a lion; a thief ready to steal my happiness, kill my love, and destroy my life. (John 10:10a)

It's my fault, though. I am the only one to blame for this. Somehow it all adds up the same.

The selfish pride I fly upon says 'I love Jesus, but I try and save myself with my behavior.' But, like Icarus, I collide with the fire, my wings melt, and I begin the long fall back to earth - the world I tried so hard to leave behind.

How can I rid myself of all but love, and give and die?

"To turn away and not become
another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
of a world embracing every heartache..."

Today, at church, Pastor Jerry was talking about The Enemy of ours. What I want to know is why he continues to pursue me after he knows he's lost me? Jerry brought up a passage that I actually read in John Eldredge's 'Waking the Dead,' which is an absolutely amazing book. I remember reading this, too. He says that the enemy fears what I am capable of, so, of course, he's going to do everything in his power to stop me from doing what I can actually do.

I think of it as a secret soldier, sneaking into the King's camp, taking the armor of his knights, and weakening them; taking their swords and dulling them to the point of being ineffective. I feel, sometimes, like that's what the Enemy is trying to do to me.

"All said and done I stand alone
amongst remains of a life I should not own.
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me..."

Why does it take so much for me to believe that God has not only saved me, but is willing to fight for me? This is such an outrageous concept to me; the Death of Jesus - the son of God. I mean, think about it. The death of His one and only son was less painful than the thought of spending eternity apart from me - from you. This is mind blowing and heart melting. Jesus saved me, but the infinite creator of the universe, the King of everything, the Lord of heaven, and the GOD of EXISTENCE loves me enough to practically KILL his own son... just so he could embrace me.

Me, the one who allows all this horrible scum in and out of my life, like I've given it a portion of my heart. Why wouldn't I fully give all that I am to the one who loves me like that?

"Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are,
because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart..."

I think my problem up to this point is I think I've been looking at this battle, this struggle, as a war I'm fighting for God, rather than a war he is fighting for me. I'm going to be really honest; I cannot defeat Satan. He is strong. He is powerful, and he is evil. I cannot defeat him. But God CAN, so I need to allow him to fight for me because, well, you cannot defeat God.

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost.
And wipe away the crimson stains,
And dull the nails that still remain.
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour.
The battle between grace and pride;
I gave up not so long ago.

So steal my heart, and take the pain.
And wash the feet, and cleanse my pride.
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide.
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin-soaked heart and make it yours.
Take my world all apart.
Take it now, take it now.

And serve the ones that I despise.
Speak the words I can't deny.
Watch the world I used to love,
Fall to dust and thrown away.

Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart...

Apart from him, I, we, can do nothing.

"This is the last time I'm starting over with you."

So, is it? Is this the last time I'm starting over? Is this the last time you're starting over? I hope so. I pray that you and I, whoever you are, reader, see the big picture, and see that God is willing to fight for us the battle we cannot possibly win. I love this about the God we serve. His love is infinite.

"Oh, he loves us. Oh, how he loves us. Oh, how he loves us. Oh, how he loves."

'I pray that you ... may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long
and high and deep is the love of Christ.' (Ephesians 3:17-19) That excites me to no end! I'm ready to rely on the Holy Spirit, I'm ready to really allow God into my life, and I'm ready to to live again.

Thanks for reading,
-Matt

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'Worlds Apart' by Jars of Clay
'Valley of Tomorrow' by NeedtoBreathe

'How He Loves' by David Crowder

Jerry Davison's blog and John Eldredge's blog located off to the side.